Spiritual, Yes. Religious, No.

The wind and rain continued this afternoon as I worked around my house, thankful for the warmth within it. I nearly took a nap while watching a video with my daughter. The coziness of the darkened room almost got the best of me.

With the wind and rain comes a change in temperature. Winter is back, at least “winter” in Georgia. This normally consists of cold and wet weather, but I’m not complaining.

A trip to the mailbox revealed a package of books. How exciting! I am almost used to the steady stream of books that have been arriving as of late. I have so much to learn.

I am finishing up several books about pantheism, and am in the middle of “Going Home: Jesus and Buddha as Brothers” by Thich Nhat Hanh. Today I opened a book about Zen, and I hope to begin “Songs of a Flute Player” by Sharman Apt Russell soon.

I’ve been pondering and questioning. Questioning and pondering. Sitting with new concepts deeply to see if I feel they embody a truthful and life-giving practice I can embrace.

At the moment, I’m not sure if I will ever be “religious” again. Spiritual, yes. Religious, no.

Near the end of my religious experience, I was all in. I was trying to learn languages that are not my own, and live by practices that felt foreign. This should have been my first red flag. But I thought it was natural to feel this way, and I just needed to try harder.

I shake my head and sigh when I think about the religious practices I introduced into my family which were contrary to what we would ever do naturally.

Now that I’ve let it go, I’ve realized what I was looking for all of this time was right in front of me. Silence. Nature. Kindness. Compassion. Me.

I believe all we need to have a true relationship with God is inside of us from the moment we are born. There isn’t “secret knowledge” that we need to understand to embrace it. No blood sacrifice is needed to bridge the gap.

I am so grateful for this today.