It’s an early day for me. Sometimes I wake up before I should, and I lie awake in thought. Oh, how I try to go back to sleep. Maybe, I’ll succeed. I know how important sleep is, and I value it. But it looks like this morning I’ll be awake an hour before I intended.
Last night I started a new book about spirituality without religion by a man named Sam Harris. My husband was surprised to see it because the author is an outspoken atheist. Sam Harris usually seems to spend his time talking about the pitfalls of religion.
My stomach squeezed into a knot. Religion. Ah, how I want to believe you are a neutral topic, but I know you are not. You have hurt, misguided, and abused me. You made me conform my life in such a damaging way.
I thought religion was the only way to live a moral life that was pleasing to God. Unfortunately I was short sighted, and I listened to this cultural expectation with my whole heart.
To be honest, there were parts of my religion that never sat well with me. But I thought, “This is just the way God is. I have to accept it.”
Sacrifice for example. Out of all of the solutions for “sin,” why was sacrifice in any way, shape or form the answer? Why was an innocent animal life ever in jeopardy for the actions of man? For decades, I found this to be cruel and unfair.
I understand that the sacrificial system was largely to provide food for meals, but the fact remains that sacred texts state that God wants our offerings of burnt animal flesh. I found this very gross and disturbing.
This isn’t mercy. A payment was made.
The same goes for the explanation of Jesus’ death by orthodox Christianity. A payment was made…this is not my idea of mercy.
Why the need for payments to be made to a merciful God anyhow?
How were Adam and Eve to know that they did evil by disobeying God in the garden if they had yet to eat from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil? Sure, they might have known that they were disobeying God, but is disobeying God a good or evil choice? Logically speaking, they should have been blind to the implications of their choice before they made it, and therefore not responsible for their actions.
Why would God place a tree in the garden that they shouldn’t eat? To tempt them? This always seemed cruel to me also. I do not tempt my children by placing bad choices in front of them to see what they will do.
Why am I held responsible for someone else’s decision to eat a fruit thousands of years ago?
Sigh.
Thinking about this stuff is frustrating. A lot of the time, religious beliefs are taught to us as children, and they become part of our subconscious. It happened to me, and I taught the same things to my children. Sometimes I want to shout about the injustice of it all from the rooftops, and sometimes I just want to let it be. It often feels too hard to go against the flow.
Realizing that God could be something else entirely is both terrifying and freeing.
Hope wells up inside my chest at the possibility. A God who does not want death and burning flesh as a payment is a beautiful idea that I allow myself to grasp onto.
A strong, yet trembling hope has been awakened inside of me.
This Sacred Life 